Inner Circle Thursday.
“There are good ships, there are wood ships, there are ships that sail the sea. But the best ships are friendships, and may they always be.”
—Irish proverb.
Mood & Aesthetic
Who’s in your inner circle?
I was born into a reasonably close-knit family that has only a moderate amount of drama.
God and the universe knew I needed that, because the struggle to form lasting friendships was the hallmark of my early years. One of the reasons why I was drawn to Anne of Green Gables in middle school is because I had classmates, acquaintances, and even a few friends, but never the best friend that I wanted.
I had some fits and starts in my teen years. Friends came, and as we grew in different directions, by young adulthood, we’d drifted apart.
And then adulthood happened.
What has surprised me most about being a long-term single adult who has not married, and who has not had children, isn’t the social censure and stigma which has really lessened since I was a young adult…
(I credit LGBTQ activism for that 100% — we cishets whom the world once labeled as “weird,” “eccentric,” and “not normal” quietly benefitted from their movements, and we should thank them.)
… what’s surprising is how friendship has become this many-splendored thing that romantic love was supposed to be.
I “hear tell” that romance is incredible, but much to my dismay, I’ve experienced only occasional showers. What once felt like great lack and tragedy gradually faded into resignation, and eventually, into a very different existence.
The mainstay of my emotional life has been my family and friends.
I have had 3 surgeries as an adult. Each and every time, a small voice said, “What if I am sick and alone?”
But I never have been. People have come through for me, beautifully. Every time I’ve needed the collective, the village, and within that, the inner circle, people have come through for me.
In turn, I have tried in recent days to be a better friend. To go the extra mile. To be a good comrade and sister in the struggle, just as I am a sister, a daughter, and an aunt to many.
I’m starting to understand that the secret to not being alone…
…is to not be a stranger, but to be a friend.
What I Am Reading
Teaching courses means reading and re-reading, and this semester, I’ve got a lot of it on my plate!
This is the first week I’ve taught 3 classes since the fall of 2011 — nearly 9 years! I am busy but the whirlwind is buoying me so far. We’re not yet at the part of the semester where I am getting whipped around by it.
—Monday was the first meeting of my doctoral seminar on literary theory. In small groups, and as a whole, we discussed why anyone would want to read about, or care about, theory in the 2020s anyway. Two short readings anchored discussion:
- Randy Ribay’s ALAN workshop 2019 keynote
-Anthony James Williams, “Who Teaches Academics How to Theorize?”
I only get to teach this course every other year. I’m excited.
—Tuesday was the second meeting of my master’s seminar on literacy and graphic texts (picturebooks, comics, graphic novels). My doctoral student Latrice taught the first 1/2 of class wonderfully, as we considered 4 illustrated texts about Hurricane Katrina: Dark Rain, A Place Where Hurricanes Happen, Drowned City, and A.D.: After the Deluge.
—Wednesday was the first meeting of my Teachers Institute of Philadelphia course, “The Dark Fantastic: Reading Science Fiction, Fantasy, and Comics to Change the World.” The books we’re starting class with are all edited collections: Black Imagination, Octavia’s Brood, and Dark Matter. All are highly recommended!
—I still have Pet on my nightstand! I want to read it, and Tommy Orange’s There, There soon.
What I Am Writing
— Lots and lots of emails. There is no end to email in #ProfessorLife. Not sure how the professoriate worked before it.
—I have a couple of peer reviews to get done. When I am honest with myself, I have zero time to do peer reviews for journals that aren’t Research in the Teaching of English, but when you are a journal editor, you almost always say yes to reviews you don’t have time for… because you know what it’s like to be beating the bushes for referees. The struggle is REAL.
—I have to revise that chapter I keep mentioning. It’s overdue, and the editors got an extension, but this weekend’s crunch time.
—There is another chapter that I am contracted to do that I haven’t even drafted yet. (A friend just finished hers.)
—We have got to get to that editorial work on the HP volume. (I need a clone.)
—Also have to write feedback on a dissertation and a proposal, respectively. (Two clones, please.)
—I touched bases with my agent. He’s encouraging me not to collapse with this revision, but to take my time, because the spring is fine. (He is awesome.)
Being/Doing/Going
—This weekend of writing and catching up will be sweetly savored — the past 2 have been spent at the Philadelphia Convention Center —and the next 3 are Philly’s Black Children’s Book Fair, GSE Applicants Weekend, and the Penn Ethnography Forum, respectively. (Whew.)
—It was so much fun having the American Library Association’s Midwinter Convention here this past weekend. I was a guest of Quarto Books, for whom I moderated a panel featuring authors Jamia Wilson, Vita Murrow, and Tiffany Jewell.
Monday morning, I was able to attend the Youth Media Awards, where many of my author friends were honored. I shouted all that my overtaxed and sleep-deprived mind could remember in a Facebook post!
—I am registered for the Deep Dive into Writing Diverse Characters course! As I revise the novel rewrite, I’m looking forward to polishing things to a shine. While I don’t have time, I’ll make the time.
—To kick off the weekend, and the month of February, I am doing girly self-care stuff: I’ve got a massage and facial booked, and will also do mani-pedi and wax.
—There is yoga in my complex on Tuesdays. Let’s see if I manage to get there for a change.
Word(s) of the Week
Balance. Sure, it’s a total myth (core principle of Kerry Ann Rockquemore’s famous Faculty Success Program). But it's still something that I love to think about.
When I was younger, I remember telling my therapist that life felt like I was holding a light switch in the middle. Neither on nor off.
In early middle age, I no longer feel like that. But then, these days, I am seeing balance differently.
Balance for me feels like doing good work. The kind of work that I want to see in the world. But it means that the work won’t necessarily be seen and recognized in all the ways that I’d like it to, or when it is, that I don’t have further to go with the ideas therein.
Balance these days is being a good friend. And actually sending out those thank you notes and tokens that are collecting dust.
My inner circle of family and friends keep me balanced.