Thursday at Rest.
“Black women in the academy need to take several seats. Not all at once, mind you, lest the ivory tower collapse from the absence of our labor. But we are doing far too much, and we need to rest. This is not optional; it is imperative.”
—Jasmine Abukar, “For Colored Girls in Academia Who Have Burned Out / When Rest Is Enough”
Yesterday, on Facebook, I wrote triumphantly in response to Jasmine Abukar’s Medium post, quoted above:
Every Black woman arrives at this moment sometime in her life, whether she receives the lesson or not.
Between this world and me?
I'm choosing me. As much as I can. Although the world defines Black feminine life through "helping," "doing," and "giving," I've decided to choose myself.
Choosing myself is not only freeing, it is calming. I tend to be very empathetic by nature, and affected by emotional transference, so I've been working hard at staying centered and balanced in 2020.
Staying balanced has been difficult for many Black women in #ProfessorLife, especially during this pandemic. But choosing myself, and ensuring that I'm OK *first,* means that I don't hop aboard every crisis that someone sends careening into my path.
Choosing myself is clarifying. I've been so busy, and at times, so unwell, that I hadn't noticed how I was existing in relationship to others... or to myself. That will change now.
Choosing myself helps me draw closer to God, the world, and the universe. It means that I have to be intentional in all my affairs.
I can't choose you, any of you, until I choose *me* first. Then and only then will I be able to give, help, and *do* out of my overflow and not my lack.
This summer has been a long time coming. #TheAnswerIs42
Today, I woke up for prayer and meditation, had my weekly therapy session, exhaled…
…and then worked from 11 am through 8 pm without taking a break.
Darn it, I thought. This week’s blog isn’t done yet.
It’s 9 pm.
I’m still in the office.
*
We all complain about #ProfessorLife. However, some of the work that we do is joyful. I enjoy the days when I get to work with my research team. 10 years in, I truly enjoy my doctoral students and postdoc.
This week is Super Friends Thursday and Friday. I caught up with, laughed, shot the breeze, and worked with my current and former mentees. After harrowing times in March, April, May, and early June, we made great progress on writing projects, grants, and current and upcoming research.
It feels good to experience a little forward momentum during such a bleak time.
I finished my meetings on Zoom around 5 pm.
But then, there were many tasks left, and email left over from yesterday. Every evening, I choose between sitting at my desk for several more hours until my inbox is (relatively) empty… or unplugging, relaxing, and letting things pile up.
Today, I chose to put in some time this evening.
An hour ago, I decided to take a break, and blog.
I haven’t touched a task list that has been hanging on my wall since the events of Memorial Day in Minneapolis shook the world. I’ve been working and working and working since then…
It’s time to rest.
*
Artist, activist, and visionary Vashti DuBois, founder of The Colored Girls Museum in Philadelphia’s Germantown neighborhood, said it best in her inaugural exhibit a few years ago…
“The world tells us that we must 'stay woke,’ but when does the colored girl get a good night’s sleep?”
I enjoyed being able to attend the exhibit during a private tour in 2016 with author and activist Zetta Elliott and artist, cultural worker, and community member Marie-Monique Marthol. I spent much of my first visit at TCGM in tears and wonder.
Vashti herself led our tour.
“The world tells us that we must 'stay woke,’” she told us, “but when does the colored girl get A Good Night’s Sleep?”
Four years later, that question remains unanswered in my spirit.
I am unsettled by the imperative that Black women must work without ceasing.
It is the case that we Black women fuel social moments and world changing movements.
With our bodies, like Ieshia Evans, a nurse in Baton Rouge…
With our words, like Mariame Kaba, prison abolitionist and grassroots organizer in Chicago, New York City, and around the nation…
With our legacy, like professor, activist, and legend Angela Davis, from the Black Panther Party to the entire world….
With our love, like the Mothers of the Movement, who inspire us all…
Black women give.
In all our giving? Somehow, we manage to live. Really live.
But rest? That has been elusive for centuries.
We who believe in freedom cannot rest until it comes.
This is not a continent where we can rest.
It never has been. However, we’re still human.
We have to rest.
Being a Black woman, sometimes, feels like you’re pouring your labor into a cup with a hole in it.
Where is it? the world says. I don’t see anything in there.
Here it is, we cry.
They look at our outstretched hands.
They see nothing. Or, at least that’s how we’re treated.
Our labor isn’t seen as something we have offered. Our labor is seen as who we are. We are labor. It’s what seems to make us visible here, in these lands, in this existence.
I applaud my sisters who are on the front lines of the current crisis.
(I am worried about my sisters who are on the front lines of the current crisis.)
I worry that I am too visible. All my life, I’ve never minded it (hello, born in August), .but in 2020, I find that I’m liking it far less.
Maybe it’s time to be less visible for a change.
(Maybe it’s time to head back into the shadows.)
What I Am Reading
—Committee reading continues. It’s a lot. But what a privilege! And I’m managing — nighttime’s my primetime for getting that category of reading done.
—I’m enamored with Tiffany Lethabo King’s The Black Shoals right now. The introduction is such a great snapshot of where Black studies is right now in its conversations with Native studies.
—How I Read: I get my academic reading done mostly in the mornings and on the weekends. I read academic books with a pen, highlighter, and/or tabs in hand. Children’s, YA, and comics? Bedtime stories. :)
What I Am Writing
—The Neverending Story’s Latest Draft is in at long last. (We’ll see.)
—I’m writing two book proposals that I may actually get in before the Fourth of July. One’s solo, one’s co-authored. (We’ll see.)
—I am working on two summer book chapters, too. One’s solo, one’s co-authored. (We’ll see.)
—RTE work is ever with me & the entire team. So is the Long Overdue Potter and Race Edited Volume, which we need to hold up again, thanks to the richest author in the world being awful During a Pandemic, which seems to be a feature, not a bug, of 2020.
—How I Write: If it’s on my digital calendar, it happens. If it’s not, it doesn’t. I’ll admit that I’m not a “30 minutes a day” daily writer, but I do need blocks. And sometimes, if I’m procrastinating, accountability — from my research partner colleagues, to my Super Friends, to a great digital creative writing retreat.
Being/Doing/Going.
—I am loving my asynchronous all-digital June version of #PennGSEIllustrated! We’re done on June 29; wrap-up by July 3.
—I got my Sisterlocks retightened! Lost a few; 2020 snatched my edges. But I’m still here. Grateful.
—Had a great time with NCTE at the weekly Members Gathering sponsored by Dr. Detra Price-Dennis, Associate Professor at Teachers College, Columbia University!
We talked about The Dark Fantastic, and Natasha Marin’s fabulous collection Black Imagination, which you need on your bookshelf…
Word(s) of the Week
Less. You can’t even spell “lessons” without it.